Well, it's certainly been a while since I've stumbled across something that made my brain hurt bad enough to consider shaking my fist at it. Unfortunately, today I have. It also turns out that one can be part of the secular crowd and still be - for lack of a better word - stupid. "How stupid," one may ask. Well, as stupid as getting up in front of a crowd and having another idiot blow dry away your Christianity. This is the sacred ceremony known as debaptism. Please understand me now, celebrating one's freedom is healthly, even fun. But dressing up in a robe and holding rites of passage seems almost exactly what we're all escaping from. Some, like Gary Mueller, have even mailed the certificate to the churches that performed the original baptisms. "I'm friends with so-and-so now and not you!" says the milk-mustached grade schooler.

Truely though, not all of these people are taking him seriously. Those that are merely in it for the parody simply don't understand. Professor Laurence Stookey of Wesley Theological Seminary in Washington sets the record straight. De-baptizers misunderstand baptism when they caricature it as an attempt at magic. Baptism is a kind of adoption where you become a child of God, of the church and of the family. You can renounce your physical parents, (the church and God), but they cannot renounce you because you are their child. Anybody who makes fun of baptism probably hasn't gone into it in enough depth to know that."

For the record, I don't exactly agree with baptising children, enlisting them before they have a voice. But it's not like it actually means anything. My baptism still stands and always will, simply because the catholic church wants it to. Though I believed for several tortured years, I've never actually practiced any religion; and I'm not going to start now with a kooky debaptism.

If you'd like to read more on this subject, click here for the source.

Fear can make one do a lot of crazy things. Those who don't possess – or just choose not to use – rationality, however, often just do stupid things. Like burning books because they were written by one with another faith or ethnicity.

But full blown cleansing isn't as easy to do now. Some just settle for a good ol' DVD destruction. As it turns out one of my neighbors is a god fearing fundie. So fearing she must have felt the only way to wash out the enjoyment experienced while watching The Golden Compass, was to rip/cut the damn thing in four.

Now as far as the background story goes, I am speculating, but it makes a good story nonetheless. The DVD, though, I do have. Found on the top of the dumpster behind my apartment building was a copy of The Golden Compass, carefully displayed with the words, “Ha Ha its [sic] new! You can have it!” Naturally as an unsuppressed human being I was curious. When I'm curious I don't pray it away, I investigate. Inside the case was a DVD that was anything but new. Held together with transparent tape were roughly four quarters of the disc. Along with some more self-supposed clever words.

“This movie is about killing God. Stated the Author[sic],” and reverse, “Thats why I ripped or cut the DVD.” One can only imagine the precedings.

“Oh, Helen, you absolutely must watch this film. I was so amazing and the cute with the little animals.”

“But Suzie, that movie is about killing god. The author said so. You'd better do something to show the lord you're sorry.”

“Oh heavens, I had no idea. I hope I don't go to hell now, maybe god will see I'm sorry if I rip the thing up. Arrrrggg.... well maybe I'll cut it.”

Anyway, I really do have a point to all of this. Churches can bend this fear to make their henchmen do just about anything. It may sound innocent when a churchie takes a sword to a pikachu doll or a sharpie and scissors to a DVD, but these aren't the only subjects that hatred is taught to.

Stumbleupon is a great tool for killing some time, but sometimes it seems to kill you. By some random chance – or clever joke – I was introduced to the world of Christian gaming. A site devoted to the sale of quality family board games, designed to bring parents and children (more specifically teenagers) closer to each other and, of course our lord and savior.

Cactus Game Design offers plenty of “new and exciting” games of the board, card and that new fangled computation machines type. Apparently new now means to take an existing product and just replace the pieces with those more christian-like. And as far as exciting, nothing is more exciting than no longer being able to place Helen Keller as “Spunky” or Batman as “Drunk and Disorderly” in Apples to Apples. And I'm sure everyone's youth leader will most likely frown upon dropping that Jesus card down for “Eternally Damned.”

Now I must be fair; a few of these games do look original. Though, has the trading card genre really been original since Magic the Gathering? Okay, so maybe these ones don't have any magic – that would be an abomination.

Let's get to the good stuff now. Video games. How could anyone not be attracted to tiles like “Truth Seeker” or “Ominous Horizons?” Heck the former even looks like a somewhat decent platformer/rpg. Almost like... Quest 64. A lot like Quest 64. And who can resist enthralling puzzles such as spelling out bible book titles with lettered crates.

Oh, but I truly cannot wait to get my hands on a copy of Ominous Horizons. It's always been my dream to be a time traveling paladin on a quest to destroy historical documents. Especially those contradictory of the christian bible. For god knows westerners would have never succeeded in building a civilization without the christian bible.

Now perhaps your little sheep are too sugar intoxicated to sit down for an entire game of Outburst (Bible Edition). No worries there are toys for the little ones. My favorites include the action figures – complete with non-positional appendages – and the Proverbs 31 Dolls. The dolls even include a how-to guide for sexism. Proverbs 31 is also the passage that states it's okay to “drink 'til one forgets” (why do you all think its one of my favorites).

Anyway, I wish to end this with an invitation. Christina and I will gladly give one of these products a more in depth review by playing through an entire round, the choice being left to the reader. Leave us a few comments and voice your vote! In the meantime I am going to work on cornering this market. I have a great idea for a “new and exciting” version of LIFE. The person to make it to the end with the lowest education and fewest SIN tiles is the winner!

            Your child is a murderer and deserves to be crucified. No, really, according to those wacky christians, children who hate or lie are MURDERERS. Apparently it's now acceptable to hand out these damaging words to four-year-olds at parades and the like. And what better way than play money with cartooney images of their favorite gift giver, Santa Claus. But what’s that behind his back? Well its list of course. But only one kiddy made it on the nice list - no, not Dr. Zoidberg. Jesus.

            Now why disguise propaganda as a toy? One can simply stumble around the Custom Tract Source website to find the answer, and they aren't exactly ashamed of the truth - or is that Truth?

            For one, these "tracts,” as the site says, never eat, sleep, need shelter... Blah-dee-fuckin'-blah. We get it you can sit on your ass and toss these things out at my girlfriend’s kid, all the while thinking you can change the world. These selling points are laughable at best, but maybe the site just looked too funny without a scrollbar.

            "A tract is never embarrassed, timid nor fearful and isn't hurt by rejection." Why should anyone be fearful of calling a child a murderer in front of his parents? Should one really be embarrassed telling another that there's a magic man in the sky? That this magic man loves you, but would banish you for eternity if you don’t give the preacher money? But surely there are still several crusaders out there brazen enough to confront.

            For those it's said a tract, "never argues back," and "never flinches." Evidently a debate is best won by repeating the same chorus regardless of the rebuttal. But what really gets me is that they flat out admit it's best for those that can't debate, "It can be used by the ... uneducated, because no speaking skills are need to convey its message." The UNEDUCATED. Why, uneducated? The few with knowledge of the bible are profiting from it, and from the "uneducated." Surely that’s why.

            Though, I digress. The real crime here is the pain and worry thrown on the children. Should little Timmy really believe he’s a murderer because he didn't admit to breaking Mother's vase? Perhaps that one is up to you.